so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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