He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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