I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
