I got chris browned last night
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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