he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
