Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
