Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
