so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
