In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
