he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
