Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
