Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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