It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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