I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There's always time for handjobs
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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