im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
