Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think my moral compass just broke
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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