I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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