my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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