it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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