I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
