well I can't set my house on fire every night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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