Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
