Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
