hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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