Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
