remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
