I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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