I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
