He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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