please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
