Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
