How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
