i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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