Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
