people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize