He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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