Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
