I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
