Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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