My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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