I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
