i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
