Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
