All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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