you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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