would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
