so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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