dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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