Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
