My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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