hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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