I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
