How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
