How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
