well I can't set my house on fire every night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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