I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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