Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
