bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
