tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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