he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
did you just send me my own nude
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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