My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
