i think i have herpe
just one?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
