He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
