First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
