dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
