can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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