We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
