my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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